I'm back. I can't believe I haven't posted in so many months.
The plan was to stick with it. The plan was to follow through. The plan was to write every day and eventually write a book. Because writers write, right?

I think I am afraid. On one hand I believe that I am supposed to write books, and I have such a desire to do so. On the other hand I seem to avoid the task by any means. I think I am afraid of failure.

I see so many inspirational quotes about overcoming fear, and failing being a good thing etc, etc. I get all pumped when I see them and promise myself that I will print them out and put them on my inspirational board, which I have also failed to create. And then, nothing. There's always something else to be done. Always some other time sucking activity that I choose to do instead.

When am I going to get it right? When am I going to take that leap?

I don't want anything drastic to have to happen before I get motivated. I just want to practice obedience and do it. I simply need to start, have faith, be obedient, and just do it for goodness sake!
I know that on the other side of obedience are blessings for both me and others. I know that in fulfilling my purpose, someone else's life will be made better in some way. I know that I have been blessed through other people's obedience and that it is not right for me to deprive others of what God may have for them.

So my prayer today is that I will submit myself completely to God's will, so that I can be used as a vessel to bring light and life to others. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Being Mary Jane

So, I started watching BET's Being Mary Jane, starring Gabrielle Union. At first I thought it was a pretty decent show. It deals with the real life issues that a single, professional, black woman might have. This includes challenges with her mother's illness, her niece continuing to have babies out of wedlock, a former drug addicted brother,all looking to Mary Jane, as she is a successful TV anchorwoman.

Spoiler Alert!!!!
She finds out that a man that she loves and is considering marrying is, in fact, already married! So she does what any self-respecting woman would do. She puts him out and sprays him with a water hose. I was happy with her choice. Silly me figured that was the end of that. Mary Jane was so upset that he had tricked her and she even went on to tell the wife because she thought it was the right thing to do. Go Mary Jane!!!
Unfortunately, in the very next episode she ends up sleeping with the married man again, in a locker room shower stall, no less! WHY!!!???

Why is it that a professional, beautiful, successful African American woman can have it together in every other aspect of her lives besides a relationship?!!! You see the same thing in Scandal with Olivia Pope. Why are these women sleeping with married men and begging and waiting for the scraps that the married men decide to throw out now and again? It's pretty disgusting and sad.

Mary Jane goes through a lot of different feelings about her predicament. A lot of times she says that she deserves better, but she continues anyway with the affair. This leads me to question whether or not I should continue to watch the show... then that leads to whether or not I should continue to watch Scandal. I like to pride myself on saying that I like everything about Scandal except for Olivia and the President's relationship. It's the truth, but, I wonder if I should continue to watch and support shows that continually "glorify" adultery. Or am I blowing things out of proportion and trying to be too deep? After all, it's just entertainment, right...?

Grateful

I tried to get a friend to help me in my battle to stay active, to actually follow through with the decision to live a healthier lifestyle. My friend was not on board. But, I'm okay with it. At first I was upset about it. But, I realized I can't count on someone else to hold me accountable for a course that I have chosen to take. I can't be upset because my friend doesn't want to travel with me.
The true test of my dedication to change my lifestyle lies with me. Period.

Time out for being weak-willed and weak-minded when it comes to me. That doesn't even make sense. Why would I choose to tear myself down and continue on a path of self-destruction? I heard a quote on the radio today that really resonated with me "Your health is your wealth."

I don't want to be in poverty anymore. Poor health is not only physical poverty, but emotional and spiritual poverty as well. When you are in poor health because of being overweight or because of an unhealthy diet (you can be thin and still be in poor health), you are not living the life that God has intended for you to live. You are bound. But, I am realizing every day that it doesn't have to be this way. Just because it may have been this way for many years, it doesn't have to stay that way.

There is freedom from the cycle. There is relief from the burden. I have learned that it starts with seeking God. He cares about this. It may seem like such a trivial issue, just eat right and exercise, but it's much more than that. If it were that easy, there would not be an obesity epidemic in America. The bible says that we wrestle not against flesh and blood.  This "battle of the bulge" if you will, is not a surface issue. It is an issue that is rooted deep into our hearts, minds, and spirits. It is only when we recognize this and make the decision to approach it with the correct attitude and willingness to submit it to the Lord, that we will experience victory.

I will say that it is an everyday battle, and  most times it seems to be uphill! But God continues to walk with me on this journey, and I am happy to say that, in the midst of failures that sometimes seem inevitable, I am also experiencing victories.  I have more determination and a stronger will. Today, I danced, swam, and did 75 squats. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. One thing I do know is that I don't have to tackle it on my own. And for that, I am grateful.